Regret

There are times when you regret your each and every past event and you keep wondering "if only..." and "I wish..".It was one of those bad days for me today. I feel helpless and cursing myself doesn't help either. I cried twice in a day for the same reason even when a person of my age isn't expected to shed tears for such trifle matters (this isn't the first time). But the point is whatsoever I fail to prove myself time and again that I am not devoid of emotions and value true relations more than a materialistic pleasure like an -Ipod! I'll rather call myself "emotion expressing handicapped".
I am at loss of words to give a satisfying apology nor have I spent enough time brooding to help me get over it.I have been difficult, whiney and acted childish all day. How can someone tolerate all of it and still be in love with such a jerk???
Eating almonds isn't helping much to trace back all those events. My brain is gonna burst anytime and so am I. My memory was never reliable and I wish I observed things more. I am never ever going t0 forgive myself for this